146: The Grief of Wanting a Child of Your Own: Infertility as a Stepmom | Jen Powell
The Unique Grief of Infertility as a Stepmom: When You Love Your Stepkids but Long for a Child of Your Own
Can you love your stepkids and still grieve the child you may never have? It’s one of those complicated feelings that can be incredibly hard to admit, even to yourself.
Infertility as a stepmom brings a unique kind of grief. You’re already part of a family, helping raise children, and watching your partner experience parenthood while wondering if you’ll ever have a child of your own. And the guilt, resentment, and heartbreak that can come with those feelings? They’re not always easy to talk about.
In this episode of The Stepmom Diaries, Cameron sits down with Jen Powell, founder of The Sober Stepmom, a coach who supports childless stepmothers navigating identity, belonging, grief, and the emotional complexities of stepfamily life.
Together, they open up about their personal experiences with IVF, including Cameron’s five unsuccessful rounds of treatment and Jen’s heartbreaking decision to cancel an embryo transfer.
But this conversation goes beyond infertility. They explore what happens when the family you’re already part of makes it harder to pursue the family you imagined, and why those feelings can bring an entirely different layer of guilt and grief.
Why Infertility as a Stepmom Can Feel So Different
For a childless stepmom, struggling with infertility can mean watching the person you love experience parenthood while you’re still wondering if you’ll ever have that experience yourself.
And sometimes, the demands of stepfamily life can make an already exhausting fertility journey feel even more overwhelming.
Jen shares how the stress of adjusting to stepmotherhood, caring for young stepchildren, and navigating her husband’s demanding work schedule affected her ability to continue fertility treatments. When she ultimately decided to cancel her embryo transfer, she felt both relief and an enormous amount of grief.
Cameron also opens up about how the stress of her early stepmom years affected her own IVF journey, including the difficult question she found herself asking: Was she even entitled to want a biological child when she’d married someone who already had children?
It’s a side of infertility grief that doesn’t get talked about nearly enough. And sometimes, simply hearing another stepmom admit to those same complicated feelings can make you feel a little less alone.
In This Episode, You’ll Learn:
- Why infertility as a stepmom can feel especially isolating when you’re already helping raise someone else’s children.
- The complicated emotions childless stepmoms often struggle to admit, including guilt, resentment, and grief.
- What led Jen to cancel her embryo transfer and why that decision was both heartbreaking and necessary.
- Why putting yourself first during infertility doesn’t make you a bad stepmom, even when other people don’t understand your decisions.
Loving your stepfamily and grieving the child you hoped to have can both be true, and you deserve the space to feel both.
Resources Mentioned in This Episode
Connect with Jen Powell, founder of The Sober Stepmom:
- Instagram: @the_sober_stepmom
- Facebook: The Sober Stepmom
Looking for more support navigating the emotional complexities of stepmom life? Connect with other stepmoms who understand the challenges of blended family life inside The Stepfamily Circle.
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